How to Deal With a Crying Colleague?

We have all heard enough about ‘workplace etiquettes’ and things you should and should not do at work. However, when it comes to handling emotions, is there a right and a wrong, or something in between?

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Human emotions are a complicated thing, and managing them also requires a person to be emotionally in control of themselves. Having a high emotional quotient, or EQ is too important. Just like IQ is important, so is EQ. Some might even argue that EQ is more important. 

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Often, we are not too comfortable around someone who is crying. This can happen for several reasons:

• We imagine that us probing might make them feel uncomfortable 
• We don’t know how to manage a person who is actively emotional and crying
• We don’t think we will be able to help them
• We believe that the underlying issue can be something more significant, and if it is, are we ready to involve ourselves in it?
• We don’t understand why they are crying, and are afraid to ask
• We think we might get emotional due to their vulnerability. We might not want to lose control over our own emotions
• We don’t know the person well enough 
• We assume the crying might escalate if we talk to them, and if it does, will we be able to handle the person without getting uncomfortable?
• We want to fix it; no one likes to see someone crying, and our instinct is to try and fix the problem 
• We are anxious that we might have had a play in them crying or losing control of their emotions.

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These are some of the main reasons for which we get anxious and uncomfortable around people yelling at the workplace. However, it is essential to realize that when we think along these lines, we are making ourselves the central character in this issue.

This is not the case. It is the other person who is going through some problem, and we might or might have an active role in causing it. Instead of making yourself central in the story, change your perspective so you can help the person who is crying.

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Whether you are an employer or just a staff member at a company, there are a few basic things you should know so that you can handle someone who is crying at the workplace. 

Don’t Dismiss Their Emotion

There is no such thing as ‘you shouldn’t cry at the workplace.’ 

When a person spends most of their waking hours at a company, it is entirely plausible that they would have several emotions playing within them. You have to understand that crying does not always mean sadness.

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A person can cry out of happiness, anger, frustration, a feeling of being followed or misunderstood, hunger, fatigue, loneliness, and many other emotions. If they don’t explicitly tell you why they are crying, you cannot immediately assume that they are sad. 

What You Can Do Instead?

It is good practice to learn to ask before assuming. You can comfort the crying person while allowing them to share with you their feelings. Be careful not to be pushy or assertive while doing this. 

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Don’t Tell Them What to Do Next

When you see someone crying, it is almost automatic to tell them to ‘calm down’ to ‘stop crying’ or to ‘take a break.’ Often, people, cry at the workplace because they might feel a sense of loss of control or feel frustrated.

By telling them what they should do next, you are further perpetuating this feeling of loss of control. 

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What You Can Do Instead?

You might be coming from the right place when you tell them that you think they should take a break, or go and cool off for a while. However, the crying person is vulnerable and might not interpret your good intentions in the way you mean them. 

Instead, you can give them the choice of going and taking a break, or continuing their work, or talking to you or someone else about the problem. Often, the person might not even be looking for a solution, but might need to talk to someone.

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You can offer them that safe space, allowing them to talk about what they are feeling. Remember, it is essential to give them a choice, and not choose for them. 

Empower the Person to Take Control

Crying triggers an instinctive reaction in us, putting us in a fight or flight mode. We want to solve the problem for the crying person. We often do so by making bold statements or simply assuming we understand why they are crying. 

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What You Can Do Instead?

The most important thing you can do for the crying person at that moment is to give them a chance to claim control of their situation. You can acknowledge the fact that you understand the something might be wrong, and the person might need space or might need to talk about it.

Ask the person what they would like to do at that moment. Would they want to take a moment for themselves, or would they prefer if you stayed with them? Let them know that you will follow their lead if they decide what it is that they want to do next. 

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Show Compassion for the Situation

When someone is crying, the last thing they would want is sympathy. Instead, empathy is a better option. If you cannot understand the situation, they can gently ask the person to explain to you what they are feeling. You can ask them if there is any way in which you can help them and how. 

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Allow them space to breathe and to think. You cannot expect someone who is crying to be thinking coherently and to be able to explain to you articulately what they are going through. Many times, the person might not know what is wrong!

What You Can Do Instead?

Give the person the space to breathe, but be present in the room, if they don’t want to be left alone. Allow them the time to think and speak to you about the situation, and don’t get annoyed if they decide not to talk about it. Instead, be a comforting presence. 

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Handling a crying person at work requires immense self-awareness and mindfulness. Of course, keeping these things in mind, you can better understand how to manage someone at your workplace who is emotional or crying.